The day is April 28th, 2023. To everyone, it seemed just to be another day in Shrekville. The birds were chirping, the sun was out in the sky, and nobody thought a thing could go wrong.

That is, until a local man named Jon Arbuckle saw something strange outside of his home. In the park near his house, on the edge of a deep and uninhabited forest, he saw a group of men putting up a barbed wire fence.

Now, this didn’t seem odd to him at first. This was prime time for construction projects. But, being the kind and considerate man that he is, Mr. Arbuckle decided to extend his kindness to these workers by bringing them some bottles of water. How these men reacted, however, would open up a mystery still not solved to this day.

After making his way into the park, he attempted to strike conversation with the workers. To his surprise, these men did not respond to his question. In fact, they did not respond to him at all. As Jon put it, it seemed like they didn’t even know he was there. He called for their attention again and again, but he couldn’t break them from their trance.

Confused, Jon backed off and returned to his home. Two days later, he would bravely relay this story on a local chat board.

When I first discovered this, I was immediately intrigued. Whatever these men were doing, it was obvious to me that something fishy was going on. So, this week, I approached Mr. Arbuckle for an interview. He accepted, and yesterday, he sat down with me to recount what he had seen since.

“Well, almost everyone I’ve seen go into that fenced-off area has been wearing those same fancy uniforms,” Jon detailed to us. “They almost look like military outfits.”

I asked him what he meant when he said almost everyone.

“Well, everyone minus this person last week,” he explained. “They were wearing a similar uniform, but this one was a little more decorated… and, oh, you’re not going to believe this, they rode up to the gate on a motorcycle! And they had this hat on, like one of those military berets! It was quite the sight.”

I asked Jon if he could provide me any more details about this mystery person.

“Well, I tried to go talk to them as soon as they rode past,” he continued. “But when I got to the park, they were already somewhere on the other side. I did get a good look at the motorcycle, though. And gosh, it was in great condition! The first moment I saw it I thought, golly, this motorcycle has been really well cared for.” As he completed this statement, Jon remembered something else he had seen. “Oh, right! And just then, I could have sworn I heard them talking, too! They were pretty far away at this point, so I couldn’t make out any words, or even if it was a man or a woman. But here I was starting to think nobody in those uniforms could say anything at all. It just goes to show that life is full of surprises!”

Finally, I asked Jon if he had seen this person again as they were leaving.

“Well, it was already getting dark out when they showed up, and I didn’t want to stay up too late, so I ended up going to bed. When I woke up the next morning, the motorcycle was gone.” Jon detailed. He looked up as he let his imagination wander. “Golly, it makes me wonder, who was that person? I also really do hope they were wearing a helmet. Riding a motorcycle without a helmet, boy, that would be just plain dangerous! Then again, maybe that motorcycle is brand-new, and just haven’t gotten to buying one yet. Who am I to say?”

This marked the end of my interview with Jon. I thanked him for his time, and went on my way. After some more research, I came up with a theory… one that might chill you to your core.

I have reason to believe that this mysterious motorcyclist is the leader of a cult, and the strange men are their members. Just think about… why have none of these men have ever said anything? … When I thought about this, it became clear to me that this person is their leader. But what could they possibly want? What are they doing in the shadows, behind that creepy barbed wire fence? I say the cameras and trespassing signs are a clear indication that they’re up to something… but that’s just me.

So, you heard it here first, ladies and gents… and while this theory seems probable… I’d recommend keeping a watch on this news board for further updates.

Until then, this is Neil Goldman, signing off.